10 Devastating Films You'll Only be Able to Watch Once

Even just thinking about Aftersun makes my whole body ache. I remember the feeling in my stomach when the credits rolled on this outstanding debut feature from Charlotte Wells; I was sick and numb, and genuinely couldn’t get up out of my seat for a good ten minutes. It probably doesn’t help that I have a teenage daughter, so seeing that kind of relationship deteriorate on-screen really had a profound effect on me.

I’m making it sound like Aftersun is a horrible experience, but it’s really not. It’s actually a phenomenal piece of art, and one that is so personal and raw that it simply has to be appreciated for all its honesty and vulnerability. Paul Mescal gives an amazing performance, too, so if you’re keen on tracking his career, this is a key stepping stone. Check it out on MUBI now, but prepare to be broken.

Long before Denis Villeneuve was a household name and was entrusted with the budget to play around in the worlds of Dune and Blade Runner, he was making gritty drama movies in his native tongue. This French-Canadian effort (with a dash of Arabic for scenes in the Middle East) is a tough watch at the best of times, with themes of warfare, torture, and sexual assault. But Incendies really pushes the envelope when it gets to its horrifying conclusion.

I will say no more, otherwise it will spoil what one of the most shocking films I’ve ever watched. Incendies is free to watch on Plex, or you can rent it for just £1.99 on Apple TV. I urge you to seek it out, regardless of how distressing it may be. When you do, you’ll find some of the best visual storytelling and powerful dialogue this side of the millennium, as well as great insight into the kind of filmmaker Villeneuve was before he broke into Hollywood.

I would imagine that watching a very realistic and intentionally traumatic film about the effects of a nuclear bomb dropping on the UK would have been absolutely terrifying back in 1985. At a time of peak Cold War tensions and with the general public still knowing relatively little about the lingering dangers of nuclear weapons, Threads was a risky release then, and it’s hardly lost any of its impact since.

Now imagine watching Threads and seeing your home city decimated. I was born and raised in Sheffield, so the fact that landmarks I recognise, streets I have walked on, and even places I have worked are so integral to this story really shook me to my core. This film gave a whole generation nightmares and will continue to do so for as long as the world is so delicately balanced on the precipice of war.

Speaking of war, how about an animated movie set during the final days of World War II that will leave you absolutely shattered? Grave of the Fireflies follows two orphans – a teenage boy and his young sister – as they navigate war-torn Japan looking for shelter, food, and a glimmer of hope. Sadly, there is very little of any of those things to be found.

If you’ve watched other Studio Ghibli movies like My Neighbour Totoro and Spirited Away, you’ll know that these films often have a deeper message behind the colourful animation and playful characters. However, while Grave of the Fireflies is stunning to look at, there is not much in the way of emotional reprieve here. It’s a gruelling watch, but oh so worth it. Check it out on Netflix now if you haven’t already.

This is probably one of the most well-known, most celebrated movies on this list, but that doesn’t make it any less soul-destroying. In fact, Schindler’s List remains perhaps the most moving depiction of the horrors of the Holocaust. While films like Zone of Interest are just downright bleak and The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas is geared towards a slightly younger audience, it is Steven Spielberg’s epic ‘90s flick that really cuts to the core of the emotional pain caused by this moment in history.

While there’s no denying how fantastic Schindler’s List is from a filmmaking perspective, with superb stylistic choices and top-drawer acting, it’s just so difficult to psyche yourself up to rewatch something that you know is going to make you cry. I watched this film for the first time around 20 years ago, and I’ve still not worked up the courage to try it again.

Manchester by the Sea starts pretty mellow, as we see Lee Chandler (Casey Affleck) pottering about doing his handyman tasks and begrudgingly interacting with the folks who require his services. However, this Kenneth Lonergan drama really does unravel at the seams as we learn more about Lee and the traumas that have made him the man he is today.

If you liked the recent indie gem Train Dreams or the Danish film The Hunt, you’ll appreciate what’s going on here, as tough as it is to see one man struggling so much. Affleck’s performance is a once-in-a-lifetime kind, hitting a destructive crescendo in one of the most memorable scenes of the past decade. I’ve still only watched Manchester by the Sea once, and if you want to do the same, it’s on Prime Video for free.

What is it about Québécois filmmakers putting out absolutely heart-rending movies? While Denis Villeneuve delivered a tragic story on a bigger scale, young up-and-comer Xavier Dolan went for a more introspective approach with his 2014 indie hit, Mommy. Tracking the trials and tribulations of troubled adolescent Steve, this film goes to very dark places as he contends with the death of his father, his relationship with his mother, and the confusion of puberty. 

While it’s largely a gritty and unpredictable story, there are moments of levity when glimpses of happiness collide with uplifting music, and it looks like it’ll all work out for Steve. Then, there are absolutely crushing moments that’ll leave you in floods of tears, desperately hoping the pain will stop. Still, Mommy looks amazing, features one of the most creative aspect ratio shifts ever, and has a finale that I still think about probably once a week (or at least any time I hear Ludovico Einaudi’s ‘Experience’). For a mere 99p rental fee on Apple TV, you’d be mad not to dive in.

Paul Mescal has caused me an inordinate amount of misery over the last few years. Between the aforementioned Aftersun, the chaotic love story in the TV show Normal People, and his latest role in Hamnet, the Irish actor clearly has a penchant for playing damaged characters. In this take on William Shakespeare’s life – or at least the most tragic part of it – Mescal and the sublime Jessie Buckley combine for a tour de force that had me sobbing in the cinema.

It’s quite hard to accurately portray grief in films. It’s such a subjective experience, for a start, and it’s also the most extreme of human emotions. And yet, somehow, Chloé Zhao and her actors take us there, and absolutely nail it. If you’re a parent, I promise you this film will break you. While the sad moments really did shatter my heart into tiny pieces, the equally affecting yet cathartic conclusion is as close to a spiritual, life-affirming experience as I’ve had during a film for a long, long time. It’s a beautiful movie, but not one I want to put myself through again anytime soon.

Okay, we’ve had enough of tearjerkers and spirit-smashing films; now let’s move into more anxiety-inducing territory. I’ll preface this by saying Shiva Baby is exceptionally funny. That’s largely down to the immense talent of Rachel Sennott, who dazzles in her big breakthrough here. Plus, with a cool runtime of just 78 minutes, this film is a really great pick if you’re looking to squeeze in a quick watch one evening and you want a high-quality offering.

But be warned, for all its comedy value, Shiva Baby also has the kind of tension and chaotic energy you’d find in super-stressful films like Uncut Gems or Anora. I mean, what would you do if your parents, your ex, your current lover, and HIS WIFE were all trying to talk to you at a funeral? Hopefully, you never have to think about that, but you can watch it all unfold on MUBI or through Channel 4.

I was going to wrap up this list with Requiem for a Dream, a very morbid film that I would only recommend watching once. However, I genuinely don’t even think it’s that good. Instead, I want to direct you to another Darren Aronofsky movie that is far more deserving of your time: Mother!

Not only is it very intense and purposefully overwhelming, but it’s also pretty scary at times. Indeed, some of the visuals in Mother! will stick with you for a while, and not in a good way. It’s basically a tale of one woman desperately wishing her obnoxious guests would leave her house – we’ve all been in that situation before, right? 

With Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem in the lead roles, and the film available on Netflix, it’s pretty accessible on paper. In actuality, it’ll leave your head feeling a little mushy afterwards. You’ll probably just want to lie in a dark room and definitely won’t feel like socialising, but there’s no denying this thought-provoking picture is worthy of a couple of hours of your time.